Dealing with the Big Bad Boss

Managers - is there such a thing as a a good manager? A colleague once said that there are two types of managers: micro-managers and macro-managers. In my opinion, there are two types of managers - bad ones and worse ones.

SIGNS OF A BAD BOSS

Doesn't trust employees

Doesn't respect employees

Doesn't give/take feedback

Doesn't involve employees in tough processes

Is rude to employees

Intimidates employees

Doesn't believe in work/family balance

Gives too many tasks and impossible-to-meet deadlines

Sounds familiar, everyone? What happens when we do have a boss like this? Here are some interesting ways to deal with a difficult boss.

1. It's not you, it's him. That's your mantra, folks. Keep chanting!

2. Sing a little song in your head and learn to tune him out, when you can. Go to your happy place. Think of your wonderful cave, with Mr Schue (Glee) in tight, sexy jeans.

3. BEWARE THE SPOUSE. No matter how nice the boss's husband/wife is, remember this - there is a reason why your boss chose to marry this person. Any decent human being would have run screaming in the opposite direction. Besides, being friends with Hitler's wife does have a certain negative connotation to it, doesn't it?

4. Try not to engage yourself in a lengthy conversation/argument with your boss. No matter what you say, he is right and you are wrong. Keep that in mind during meetings and you won't feel your heart pounding so much with anger and you'll walk out of that meeting knowing that you took the 'high road'.

5. When he says things like 'you don't understand' or 'you're looking at it the wrong way', respond by asking him to SHOW you the right way. Be firm about this and if there are people around you during this conversation, ask them to join you and maybe together you can make sense of what your boss is saying. If all of you still fail to understand your boss's point, then something is definitely not right. This is when you need to go above his head and talk to his superior. This will only work if all of you stick together. Remember, solidarity is stronger than bullies!

6. Finally, you must remember that you will eventually find another job. You really will. And you may still be sane if you can find something else fast enough.

May the Gods of Employment bless us this time!

'Tis a Gleeful Season...

Why, you may ask, are people so crazy about this TV show nowadays?

I've gotta say, in a world where a lot of bad things happen every day, that people want some element of joy and happiness in their lives. Me too. I'm just so sick of reading and watching awful things that people do to each other so when I first started watching Glee I was pleasantly surprised. It is a show about losers, hence the L sign that the actors in the show make in this image that I've posted. I like watching shows that make me cry...not in a sad way, more like in an 'awww, that's so sweet' way. Glee is very different - it is sad, and you do watch Sue Sylvester rant on and on about Will Schuester's hair and being as despicable as can be, but at the same time, it can be happy too as the kids on Glee learn something new everyday and despite their differences, get on like a 'singing club on fire'.

I need a bit of sunshine in my life. Everyday. Remember folks...the glass is half full, not half empty. Take that thought with you each day and trust me, good things will start to happen to you, especially when you least expect it.

Have a glee-ful day!

Little Me - Many Moons Ago

This is a picture of me, my two cousins and my late grandfather taken about 28 years ago. I remember thinking at the time that this was taken that my grandpa was super-strong for being able to squat and have 2 of us sitting on his laps, and the other leaning against him.

My grandpa, Tok Ba (it was what I called him) was a very strong man and utterly and irrevocably dedicated to being the breadwinner of his family. I spent many happy moments with him in my childhood and truly miss him now. All the time that I spent with him had always been full of joy and laughter.

One particular incident I remember to this day is when I visited him during Eid Festival (year, unknown). I was with my family and we decided to drop by his house to say hello. He was rather flustered as there wasn't enough food for all of us, and wanted to go out to buy some mee rebus (a type of noodles dish, which is one of the many delicious delicacies from Penang). I really really wanted to go with him on his scooter, so he said yes, to my joy, and off we went on his scooter, which made a funny 'phut, phut' sound as we rode along the streets of Penang. I remember the wind caressing my face and my hair being blown back, and the wonderfully free feeling as we 'phut-phutted' around cars and other motorbikes.

Finally we found what we were looking for, bought loads of mee rebus, and made our way back home. I still feel quite touched, even now, that he took me on his scooter with him for a ride and this is something that I will never ever forget.

I love my Tok Ba - May Allah bless him, wherever he is.

Doors

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

Walt Disney

I heard a funny story the other day about doors. It was about a friend of mine, who was in a hurry and had gone to the wrong airport to catch his flight - when he was there at the check-in counter, he was told that he had to go to another airport, which was 20 minutes away. He then rushed with his girlfriend to go outside to catch a cab. This particular airport had automatic doors that open when you step in front of the sensor, but unfortunately for my friend, these doors take a while to open and if you run towards it, well, you know the rest. Anyway, my friend ran towards this door, expecting it to open wide for him and he ran smack into it - and there was a loud BUMP! His girlfriend, who was already waiting outside, saw (and heard) this happen.

My poor friend, who probably felt more mortified than hurt, just shrugged and pointed to another exit - as if this never really happened. His girlfriend was bent over double with laughter because he looked hilarious as he pretended that walking into a glass door was no big deal. Last night when I spoke to him, he showed me his forehead, which still had a bump on it. And the incident happened about 10 days ago - which meant that he was actually physically hurt, but he was numb to the pain when it happened because his feeling of embarrassment trumped pain.

My point is that these things happen to all of us - no, not walking into doors, but to have one feeling overpowering another. This tells me that our minds can do anything, even numb the pain that we are supposed to feel at the moment, because something else is more important. It also means that when we're hurt because someone has said or done something awful to us, we can channel our thoughts into feeling something else - in order to 'numb' the pain, albeit physical or mental.

I've learned something from this story. That we can control our emotions and 'choose' to feel whatever we want to feel. So if you're going through a tough time at the moment, let this empower you:

"You are in full control of your feelings. You have a choice. Choose to be happy and positive."

Finally, to my friend D, here's a quote for you:

"When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through."
Jesse Jackson

The Parent Trap

Characteristics of a 'Stepford Mom from Hell'

1. Talks about the baby all the time - the baby has a rash, the baby has grown some teeth, the baby can smile, the baby has a cute burp, the baby's first day out, the baby's first time in a restaurant, the baby's first solid meal, the baby the baby the baby...

2. Takes photos of the baby's every move - pooing, grinning, staring, sleeping, waking up, eating, smiling, pooing, turning over, blinking, breathing, have I mentioned pooing?

3. Sterilizes every thing that will come in contact with the baby's mouth or fingers.

4. Uses anti-bacterial handwash before touching the baby and insists that other people do the same.

5. Reads books by Miriam Stoppard and Dr Spock voraciously and constantly quotes from chapter title and page number.

6. When talking to friends, indiscreetly diverts conversation back to own baby.

7. Buys clothes from Baby Gap that fits perfectly despite knowing that the baby will grow out of it in less than 2 months.

8. Has a strict daily routine AND talks about it constantly.

9. Blogs or posts status updates about the baby every day and includes photos of baby pooing, smiling, sitting, sleeping, eating, turning over, (have I mentioned pooing?)

10. Speaks with a range of vocabulary that mainly consists of 'baby', 'poo' and 'sleep'.

Don't get me wrong - I have 2 kids myself, but I don't really like to talk about them much unless someone brings it up in a conversation. I feel that as much as I love my children, there is more to life than just being their parents 24/7. From my experience, children truly appreciate the 'quality' time spent with them rather than the 'quantity'. It is true that they demand their parents' constant attention when they are between 0 - 2 years old. Isn't it enough that they already consume us physically and emotionally every day for these 2 years without us having to bring them up in conversation all the time?

An example of a typical conversation between me and another mother:

Mother: "My son could read when he was 9 months/1 year/1.5 years/ 1.85 years old."

Me: "Oh really? Hey, did you catch the news about the earthquake in Haiti?"

Mother: "Yes I did. My son saw it too and said mommy, what's a escake? He was so cute!"

Me: "Wow - hey, what did you do last night? Did you watch Glee? It was hilarious - Mr Schue was so afraid of Rachel because..."

Mother: "No I didn't because my son had funny tummy and vomitted all night."

Me: "Oh no, that's awful. I had a stomach ache the other day and had to be rushed to the hospital. Apparently it was food poisoning."

Mother: "Yes, that happened to my eldest daughter too. She was in hospital for nearly 2 days. It was horrible."

Me: "So what are your plans for the summer holidays? It's your wedding anniversary then right? Where are you planning to go with your husband?"

Mother: "Maybe to Disneyland with the children. My son loves Mickey Mouse and my daughter is so into Hannah Montana and wants to see her live."

So anyway, this is the point when I politely excuse myself and run screaming in the opposite direction. I don't really understand why a lot of women fall into this trap! What happens is that they devote all their time and energy into their kids that they forget that they were once a single and whole human being whose needs were only their own and could talk about the world's hunger crisis without batting an eyelid. But suddenly post baby, all they can drone on about is 'my son, my daughter, my eldest, my youngest'. Further examples listed below:

"My daughter said 'Mama' when she was 9 months/1 year/1.5 years/ 1.85 years old."

"My son started walking when he was 9 months/1 year/1.5 years/1.85 years old."

"My daughter was toilet-trained when she was 9 months/1 year/1.5 years/ 1.85 years old."

Is this what our lives and vocabulary have digressed to? Seriously girls, wake up and smell the 'poo'. Children are their own beings. They stop belonging to us the minute they were born. Our role in their lives is to be their guidance counsellor and help them go through life with confidence. Don't instill our insecurities in our children. They love us unconditionally, so let's not force ourselves on them. All we have to do is be there for them. When they really need us. And they will.

Nature vs Technology

In the last few months, the world (most of it) was completely absorbed by the FIFA World Cup fever in South Africa. Shops closed early because the workers wanted to rush home to watch the matches; restaurants, bars and cafes opened till late; eBay made a killing with football jerseys sales and the VUVUZELA became a worldwide phenomenon.

However, way above all of that was a 2 1/2 year old cephalopod called Paul. He stole the hearts of many people by correctly predicting 7 of Germany's matches in the World Cup and the final match between Spain and the Netherlands. His predictions caused uproars in some nations and also turned ordinary people into millionaires overnight. Why I found him so amazing was that in this day and age of technology, he came up trumps above all the gadgets in the world and proved to the world that there is something more special, more divine out there, besides humans and technology. Why is it that we, with all our high-tech, 'multi-functioned' gizmos, weren't able to predict the winners of the World Cup and this normal-looking sea creature could? This was nature's way of reminding us of the basic way of life.

In the olden days, travellers would look to the stars to find their way, people lived their lives according to the lunar cycle, and everyone had to look at the sun to tell the time. What baffles me is that why, in this day and age, do we become more and more oblivious to nature when it is the one thing that we can rely on the most?

Don't get me wrong, I am a gadget addict - being the proud owner and user of an iPhone 3Gs. But I certainly don't ignore the 'signs' that I see along the way, and still rely on my gut-feeling when it comes to making tough decisions. I truly and honestly feel that there needs to be a balance between what's man-made and nature, and sadly, many have lost their way and found themselves in the 'new world', as some call it.

Let's all take a step back and remind ourselves of what's truly 'out there' and that there are things in this world that is beyond our comprehension and embrace it.